to preserve me today.

so i'm going to make a list of things that i like...of course subject to change... but this is what i like today...

• tea. i love its simplicity and the clean taste it leaves in my mouth. i like it straight. no sugar....and no milk. my cravings for bubble tea are diminishing...it drowns the taste of tea with excess amounts of sugar and milk...and tapioca balls which i feel like are a bit unnatural now that i think about it
• yellow light. i don't prefer it particularly to white light...but i just fear that one day we'll only have white light... and i just feel like the ambiance of yellow light should not be forgotten thus i give it a spot on the list
  
• short vases with short stemmed flowers. they're stumpier, but i think paired with a wildflower or a nicely dethorned rose gives it versibility.
  
• dad helping me with homework. to me, it serves as a constant reminder for the importance of humility. when dad helps me with homework... we spend time together. it shows that he values me. and i feel like working through a problem together really builds our relationship... as he still helps me on homework i truly appreciate it. and i guess i realize how tedious and tiresome it must have been all these years....teaching me basic calculus...the multiplication tables. its like 'gosh, she's FINALLY on stress tensors!'... and yet he's always so enthusiastic to help me. i know dad's dream was to be a high school teacher... but secretly i'm glad he never was one. i'm so selfish... but i just want him all to myself....
  
• staying in bed. mornings when i wake up and don't have to get up. anything this is a possibility i stay in bed for an extra hour (at least). i know people cringe at this... i think i learned this from mother. but i just lay there... and mmmmmmmm enjoy it. so comfortable, peaceful, and wonderful. i love crawling into bed with mom and dad too... ever since i was a baby it's been a habit...
  
• photographs. i want to remember that moment. i want to remember who was beside me, what we were wearing, what it smelt like, what he said, and how i was feeling... i want to remember all those that moments. i want to remember what made me into me...
  
• myself. i remember as a child i always crept into these small crevices in the room and my parents spent hours trying to find me. i still like that. just to sneak away... and just to be. its peaceful.
  
• admirable individuals. role models... actually, i wouldn't say they're commonplace at all. but once i meet one...or more so find one i get so ecstatic and energized. its neat to meet someone and realize that i, too, want to be like them in some shape or form. it gives me an idea that there is some sort of direction i am charging towards...
  
• mom & i staying up late... and talking for hours. i like that we can talk about everything and how i know and want so desperately for her to be penetrating my life always.
  
• raw almonds! mmm! yumyum. i like the texture. its more delicious than that crunch of the roasted ones.
  
• salt & pepper. well i can understand why explorers traveled to find this at one time rare commodity.
  
• stationary & journals. we all have a weakness.
  
• to feel completely engrossed in a moment...and wonderfly carefree... and people that allow me such moments.
  
• love. the kind that makes me question who i am...and what i want in life... the kind that shakes me. the kind that challenges me but rewards me just as greatly.
  
• markers.
  
• card messages & letters.
  
• painting with lots of paint
  
• henri matisse.

i question the sources of my happiness.

for the past several days, i have been hooked on stupid youtube slide shows corresponding to different teen drama-ey shows... i.e dawson's creek, the oc, gilmore girls

i just watch them in awe. it's almost as if i am reliving my childhood... through their stories because i remember being so emotionally involved as i watched them as a child. its a terribly emotional nostalgic feeling... *sigh* the effect of teen drama on my life.

and here's another...

i think i've gone through 4 accounts on xanga: xoyummieox, oreajanit, tinajro, eccles3...
not to mention my actual 2303294832 diaries i have stacked in my room.
and the private livejournal i keep...
along w/ the entries on my pc...
along with the random scraps of paper scattered throughout i desperately search for when i need to coherently or incoherently jot something down...

i used to pride myself on organization as a child. both my mother and i wonder whatever happened to that. i think it was when i discovered the crumbled piece of my chemistry notes w/ an entry at the bottom of my backpack...all tattered and a year in age... that i decided maybe there was beauty to chaos.

it was something that i had written between class & chemistry (i'm guessing) but it was wonderful. not the writing of course, but its message and timing.

rationally thinking, the format and design of this blog is tres easy! so hello, new addition to my scribbles & ramblings.